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That is one way of describing one of the differences between fucking and making love. When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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I think that if more people, especially men, thought about sex this way we'd all be a lot happier and having a whole lot more sex. Or maybe not...we humans are a fucked up bunch.
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I think there would be a lot less sex , there aren't many people who legitimately like giving more than getting in my experience Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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2/19/2018 4:46 pm |
To Us it's always a Gift to be given and not selfishly taken for granted..
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I’ma think on this more, but on the surface, I like all the angles of it.
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2/19/2018 4:55 pm |
I would much rather my partner have a better time than I do.
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Not that I've ever been a callous taker, but I've only very recently sincerely given without concern for myself. With her, I was truly there to give. Thoughts from the Garden...
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My initial response was along the lines of that being the way we should all think. Certainly, I think giving pleasure has in my later life been part of the joy of physical intimate contact. On reflection though, I've been with selfish people, and I've been selfish, especially when I was younger. I don't think it has to be a fantasy.......
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Always thought so.
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2/19/2018 5:26 pm |
Sorry, am not bragging, but have always been a giver and her satisfaction has always been first with me, with the exception of the last wife, when she used and demanded it in trade for her own ends and needs and told me that I owed it to her.
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"Imagine if we viewed sex as something we give to another person, rather than something we get from them." I can't be the only person that already though like that. When I'm have sex with a woman they always get more out of it than I do. I can't cum like that, I would have been passed the fuck out somewhere. That being said, I get mine too.
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I agree that RedRock made an excellent point. I think you can go into sex on different levels. Sometimes it is just all about sexual release and all you can think of is getting that. When I am with someone I really care for I want him to know it's all about him. I do what I do because making him happy makes me happy. Good sex is giving by both parties, whether is be fast and furious or slow and lingering. Classy, Sassy, and a little Smart-Assy Sine Metu CN
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Curious to know what the original phrase was. It seems familiar to me. Anyway, ideally I think sex is something that should be shared. Give and take, receive and reciprocate. What do you think of the phrase?
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I have always thought of it as sharing... I actually have trouble asking for what I'd like, because I feel like I'm being selfish if there are a few minutes which are only about me. Maybe that's because my ex was only focused on what he was getting, not what he was giving. This is an interesting question... "Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is relax." – Mark Black
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Honestly? I think some guys think of giving in the aggressive sense of, "Aaaaawww yeah I'm gonna GIVE it to her". As in a good hard fucking. Not that that's always a bad thing. Another contrarian opinion: if your partner gets all of their pleasure from giving (say, someone who's a service submissive), then wouldn't the nicest thing you could do, be to "get" sex from them? LOL.
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Interesting topic. My mother had told me my virginity was a gift we give to someone...albeit she was trying to get me to wait until marriage....lol. I think for me it has changed, in my younger days it was a gift to give my partner what he wanted because I wasn't as secure about asking for what I want.... now I tend to think of it more of having to be a quid pro quo situation.
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BiggLala replies on 2/19/2018 9:34 pm: Still...is any of that truly thinking of sex as something we give to another person, rather than get from them? No, as I said, I was just indulging in being a contrarian. But I suppose my feeling on the matter is that neither person should have to feel like they're "giving" or "getting", ideally it's just a shared enjoyment that both people are "experiencing". E.g., maybe part of the reason I give a blowjob is because it's "giving" to the man, but just as much a part of it is that I enjoy doing it.
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BiggLaLa, That is how I always view it!! The only thing I plan to walk away with is the pleasure of seeing my partner satisfied. Desire
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Hmmm...is that like the norovirus? This is playing to those who talk a good game but are quite happy with a quickie.
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2/19/2018 8:13 pm |
I always view it that way..please then be pleased
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2/19/2018 9:24 pm |
I am maybe in the minority, but when it to opinions, especially about sex I am used to being left standing in the corner by myself. BUT if I am with a woman(and God knows this happens seldom enough) and I suddenly realized that she was thinking that what we were doing was a Gift that she was bestowing upon me there is a decent chance that rather than being flattered, I would feel like she didn't think that I was sexually stimulating enough for her and that she was only having sex with me as a kindness or because I had done something for her. How about Sex be something shared, not given or taken? Not the Whole Truth but the truth that I can see.
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BiggLala replies on 2/19/2018 9:08 pm: I'm interested in hearing your thoughts onc you've contemplated it a bit more. ---------------------------------------------- Thinking it's trying to say more than just - make sure your partner gets their rocks off. How we "view" sex would make it less about what happens when you get all nuded-up and excited, and more about the lead up to it. Which is to say, if a guy is looking to "get" something from a woman (or a woman from a man), the approach is entirely different than where the focus is "giving." Kinda like when you put a crapload of thought finding the right gift, wrapping it up neatly (or trying), putting a bow on it and then watching a kid tear through it in a nanosecond, throw it on a pile of other gifts and probably only use it once or twice. I think this is suggesting the approach to sex be more like the giver in that scene, less like the getter. I suppose if everyone bought into this the volume of messages with dick pics would drop through the floor. While I'm sure it feels very generous to send someone a shot of the magnificent tool you'd be using, it's really more about dangling it in enough faces until you get something back. Fishing, but with a different kind of worm. But I also think it's possible for two people like-minded people to selfishly crave each other's naughty parts on even ground and both come away completely satisfied. Probably tougher if that's your starting point, though.
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So, does the perspective depend on the person, the recipient? I believe it does... very much so. Thoughts from the Garden...
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I personally like that statement as I'm a giver and it works for me..
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I think no matter you look at it someone is getting something. Those who are pleasers feel they giving, but they are still getting the satifaction from pleasing their partner. I had had people tell me they don't care if they cum, if I do. That doesn't make them completely selfless. They are still getting my pleasure, if that make sense. I think it does sound better. This is a Copy of My Profile Want to know even more about me? Read my Introduction Post. Feel free to drop me a line here: Give me All the Messages. Don't worry it is private! Check out all my rambles here, BlackRayne74!! Desire becomes surrender, surrender becomes power. -Joker
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If I viewed sex as something I give another person.... I'd probably feel just like I do now I suppose. Like anything of value I don't hand it out willy nilly and I like to tailor it to the recipient based on my knowledge of them gained over time. And to the situation. It's not a gift tho, that would imply it's free. It's earned. Oh, there's a certain quid pro quo to it too... There's no point in giving a personal gift to someone who doesn't care to return the "favor" and make an effort.
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BiggLala replies on 2/19/2018 9:13 pm: No, I'm sure you're not the only person who thinks like this. Have you always thought like this, though? No. Probably after the age of 24.
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ya know, I kinda do think of it that way after all these years. I am giving them myself in a sexual way, and they are giving me themselves in a sexual way as well. Now, it is not always 100% giving as the sole intention ... there is some getting as well in the mix. But, I do think of sharing the sexual experience together as giving sex to the other person.
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2/21/2018 1:45 am |
BiggLala replies on 2/20/2018 12:27 pm: What behaviors would she have to exhibit for you to think she's thinks you're not sexually stimulating enough for her, or that she is "...only having sex with me as a kindness or because I had done something for her"? What prohibits you from also viewing sex as your gift to her? Short of reading minds yes she would have to tell, or just lay there like a corpse, giving the impression that I should just hurry up and finish. You asked why not view sex as sharing, not giving/getting. Think about what a gift is. Think about the excitement you feel when you give someone a gift you know they'll want, like, and enjoy. Are you not also sharing in the feeling of enjoyment with them? Of course, when no thought is put into the gift, it does lessen the joy. Hmmm...as I typed that second paragraph out, I realized perhaps THAT is the point...putting thought into the gift. Your original question put sex as a something līke a service that was conveyed from one participant to the other, an amazing service and wonderful thing that you do for them and they (hopefully) do for you, which might be subtle difference to model that I prefer, the mutual celebration of life, humanity, and sensuality. Not the Whole Truth but the truth that I can see.
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in BDSM, a DOM must always think this way. and so must the submissive. the symbiosis is probably the strongest of any sexual relationship. imho. so yes You cannot conceive the many without the one.
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BiggLala replies on 2/20/2018 9:51 pm: Okay, playing devil's advocate here (and I pressured you into commenting 😂😜)...on this, "It's not a gift tho, that would imply it's free. It's earned." I think I understand your intent here. However, aren't gifts freely given because we want to give them? Do we make people 'earn' gifts, or place conditions on them receiving a gift? The pressure! The pressure! I go away for a few days and come back to hanging questions and more pressure! Because a "gift" covers SUCH a large amount of ground, they have to be ranked against each other (imo.) Some gifts are freely given to anyone who's lucky enough to receive it, like my putting a fiver (minus the embroidered fro) in with my redbox dvd return. Other gifts are freely given to people that have earned my respect/care/love/whatever/something enough for me to want to give them a gift of value. Which sex is to me. A gift of value, of consideration of them and what I'd like to share with that person. That has to be earned. But you knew that Ms. Advo Cate!
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That's always been the way I think of it. And THAT is why very few men get the gift . I have to know them really well to consider sharing my charms, and they have to truly appreciate it. I don't give it up easily, and there is lots of talk and getting to know each other, before things progress to that point. Check out my profile or and become a "watcher" of my blog FMAOPLS,to learn more about me, and for intelligent, lively, smartassy and fun discussion, with a little irreverence thrown in. "Like" or comment on my photos, and I promise I'll add more. Thanks.
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I posted my comment before I read through all the comments, and see I should have explained myself better, and that Charmer has expressed my feelings better than I did. Sharing is the important part - I share this part of me with him, and he shares himself with me. It's great when we are doing it at the same time. I don't want to give the impression that I think I am all that special - but for me - back and forth reciprocation and sharing works best. If a guy is just wanting to bang the hell out of me, to get his rocks off - he may never get the chance. Check out my profile or and become a "watcher" of my blog FMAOPLS,to learn more about me, and for intelligent, lively, smartassy and fun discussion, with a little irreverence thrown in. "Like" or comment on my photos, and I promise I'll add more. Thanks.
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